"what you need done is so close to fraud and so sketchy sounding that only if you present well in person and can find someone helpful are you going to get this done." -- can't you just get a lawyer to do everything on your behalf?
Yep, if you front them the money (in England, probably $500 US an hour) to go through this, first explaining the situation, then having them work through the bank's structure. It might be worth it. If you can convince the lawyer they're not participating in fraud.
