FWIW, I am at risk of sudden cardiac death due to unpredictable, rapid-onset ventricular fibrillation. I've been defibrillated twice, the first time after an out-of-hospital VF episode, which has a 1-in-5 survival rate. The second time was by an implanted defibrillator. In that episode I had no more than five seconds from awareness that I was feeling faint to passing out.
I now accept that it could happen again at essentially any time, and that the defibrillation might not work. And yet my life continues pretty much as normal (although I'm no longer able to drive). I still get up, do the chores, enjoy the other aspects of my life, get bored, etc etc.
I've recognised that there is a difference between death itself (which doesn't now frighten me), and the process that causes it. I've now come to believe that VF is actually how I would like to die, when the time comes. It seems infinitely preferable to a slow painful process due to cancer, or Alzheimer's.
It sounds like a good way to go, when the time comes. Like you say, there are many crazy ways to die that aren’t fun.
Sudden deaths are, in my experience, much worse for the family. Especially when you feel like you could have “done something” to help in an emergency but you’re not there. The one case I’m thinking about came out of the blue. A father of two died without any warning, nobody knew.
It's hard for me to understand that as I've experienced the opposite. A long drawn out process of terrifying deconstruction happened to my mother as her cancer slowly took every faculty that made her human, but didn't let her die for months. Us guys all did the best we could for her, and i contributed the most despite being the youngest. But the experience has simply shattered us. Life changes a lot when you realize you are wishing, with very good reason, for your loving caring mother to die. We all did, even her. It was a year of impossible torture. I got a little closure, but it took her speech months before she died so even that could never really be wrapped up.
I'm not saying my experience is the matter of fact worst. But that it can go both ways, i literally cannot imagine thinking i could've done anything to save her. But giving more than you have for a year just to witness inhuman terrors beyond your comprehension is no walk in the park.
I'm sure there's a way to die well, i think we as a society should all be trying better to find such a means and make it available if desired. Especially since we now have the means to create living hells in the name of rote survival.
That sounds awful. I’m sorry. I hope you and your family is doing better today.
I realize now that perhaps these are two different kinds of suffering. For the kids of the dad who died suddenly, they had to take it all in right then, in a matter of moments. They couldn’t say goodbye, or be held hand during the time leading up to it.
But they could all remember him exactly as he were. Healthy, strong, caring, responsible. If they’d been forced to see him erode and weaken slowly, I’m not sure how they’d take it.
> I'm sure there's a way to die well, i think we as a society should all be trying better to find such a means and make it available if desired.
Absolutely. The details may be complex, but the ethical foundation is crystal clear, to me: we own our lives, including the right to end it.
I now accept that it could happen again at essentially any time, and that the defibrillation might not work. And yet my life continues pretty much as normal (although I'm no longer able to drive). I still get up, do the chores, enjoy the other aspects of my life, get bored, etc etc.
I've recognised that there is a difference between death itself (which doesn't now frighten me), and the process that causes it. I've now come to believe that VF is actually how I would like to die, when the time comes. It seems infinitely preferable to a slow painful process due to cancer, or Alzheimer's.