Having multiple kids can make things much harder too. A child that is easy alone may not be easy with siblings.
Parents flex for children because there's a lot of things we don't care about. Little Timmy wants to go first? That's fine. But now introduce Little Jane. Little Timmy can't always go first. Now he has to contend with Little Jane.
Turn taking is the standard here. Doing it at preschool is one thing, but in every day life, at home, from sunrise to sunset, when tired or sick, is another thing. There's also lots of corner cases to navigate. What if Little Jane wants to watch something that scares Little Timmy? What if Little Timmy missed a turn because he had soccer practice? And so on.
You also aren't in control of all turns. For example, birthday parties. Or frequency of seeing friends. What is seen as unfair parts of life by an 8 year old can be completely out of your control.
You can oftentimes rely on the older one being a little more flexible than the younger one, and that is a life saver. As a parent you can lean on it and reason with them. But there is a scenario where this falls apart: twins. Congratulations, have fun reasoning with two 1.5 year olds who want opposing things.
The corner cases from taking turns can get easier as they get older though. I usually offload it to them: you guys figure out whats fair, everyone has to agree, let me know when you figure it out. This can degenerate into the most stubborn winning though, so I still have to monitor the results and stop relying on it if that's what is happening.
I dunno, it feels kinda exhausting for being easy.
There's definitely a balance here. Not giving a shit, which seems to have been the tradition I was raised in, is not great. Recognizing problems is good. Acting on all of them is bad. You need to raise grounded kids who can grow into resilience so by the time they're adults they're able to navigate this strange world.
Especially trying to control who their friends are and what they hear. Questionable behavior from friends at younger ages can actually be a good thing: it lets you plant the seed early when your kids still listen to you.
It's difficult to translate what you're saying. You say "go to visit" which implies you don't see your friends with kids very often. If true you're in a poor position to make these judgements even by your own standards.
Everything you're observing is even more likely to occur if you don't see them that often. Your friends probably want to spend more time focusing on you. The kids are not that familiar with you and are less likely to engage with you. Which also makes the parents more likely to want to distract them with something else.
Whether or not you're bringing children with you matters too. It sounds like you don't because you're focusing on child-adult interactions. If someone has kids the kids run around and be kids with their loudness, and child-adult interactions are going to be much more likely. If you're not bringing kids in tow my kids are much more likely to just go off and do their own thing.
Much of what you're pointing out can also be down to individual child temperment. Which changes as children age. By your standards many parents turn into a bad parent once their kids become a teenager.
That is not to say that your observations are 100% wrong. But just that there's so many variables, most of which I didn't even mention here, makes trying to analyze your statement make my head spin.
Not to lean too much on anecdotes, but I have a friend who has extremely well behaved kids. He has said a couple times that he feels like he has placed too many adult responsibilities on his kids. Is he a good parent? Based upon outside observation, he seems good. But he seems to be questioning some of his own choices. Maybe that alone makes him a good parent? I don't know, who am I to judge?
you read very far into a relatively normal phrase "go to visit" meaning "when i visit them". Some people just say "visit" instead of "hang out" or "bum around with."
eta: it's like some people say they have to do errands.
I smile a bit and give a chuckle when a toddler is giving a parent a hard time. It reminds me of simpler times. The problems and consequences are so much smaller than teenage problems.
Having kids becomes a lot easier if you can do the things you enjoy with them. For me that includes all sorts of stuff such as D&D, warhammer, painting miniatures, drawing, magic the gathering, board games, etc. I also include them when I have to fix something around the house or some random electronic device that broke.
If the only thing you can enjoy is adult stuff or working then you might have a rougher time at it if you don't find joy in the pure act of raising a kid. For me the first few months were meh, but once they started to get a personality I found it more entertaining.
Many of those are things I greatly enjoy, as well as many other things from a very diverse range of hobbies. My kids aren’t old enough to join in on those things yet (6 and 4), so I only find time to do those things once every few months, as opposed to once or twice a week pre-kids. It’s improving as they get older though, hence my hopefulness.
Programmer as defined here, in my experience, is a job that has never really existed. Sure, they've tried many times to create this divide - going back to the beginning of programming (originally considered secretarial work) - but ultimately programmer is still making many design decisions when typing out code.
I've been working on a client server unity based game the last couple of years. It's pretty bad at handling that use case. It misses tons of corner cases that span the client server divide.
When you prompt does the agent have access/visibility to all code bases/repos at once and do you prompt it to update both at the same time? That has worked well for me for client/server stuff.
You're misreading the hesitation about going into places like Iran.
It's not because we think the regime is/was good, but rather because of the completely predictable next 10-50 years of shit we're going to experience as a result.
Regime change is hard and oftentimes has the opposite effect of what you want. For example, see the current Iran regime.
Parents flex for children because there's a lot of things we don't care about. Little Timmy wants to go first? That's fine. But now introduce Little Jane. Little Timmy can't always go first. Now he has to contend with Little Jane.
Turn taking is the standard here. Doing it at preschool is one thing, but in every day life, at home, from sunrise to sunset, when tired or sick, is another thing. There's also lots of corner cases to navigate. What if Little Jane wants to watch something that scares Little Timmy? What if Little Timmy missed a turn because he had soccer practice? And so on.
You also aren't in control of all turns. For example, birthday parties. Or frequency of seeing friends. What is seen as unfair parts of life by an 8 year old can be completely out of your control.
You can oftentimes rely on the older one being a little more flexible than the younger one, and that is a life saver. As a parent you can lean on it and reason with them. But there is a scenario where this falls apart: twins. Congratulations, have fun reasoning with two 1.5 year olds who want opposing things.
The corner cases from taking turns can get easier as they get older though. I usually offload it to them: you guys figure out whats fair, everyone has to agree, let me know when you figure it out. This can degenerate into the most stubborn winning though, so I still have to monitor the results and stop relying on it if that's what is happening.
I dunno, it feels kinda exhausting for being easy.
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